I have a lot of respect for anyone who teaches below the 5th grade level. My personal favorite is 8th grade. I taught 8th grade for thirteen years, and I’d rather teach 8th grade all day than 3rd grade for even one hour. I also taught a 3rd/4th/5th grade combination in a rural school in 1977-78 and, because I’m a slow learner, again in 1978-79.
I had to stop and go back to junior high grades because I made little 3rd grade girls cry…
(My softest voice) “Pam, honey, where is your homework? Sweetie, that stuff I wrote up on the board yesterday, remember? Well, you’re supposed to take your book home with you and do the rest of that work with Mom or Dad at home in the evening.” (I’m on my knees next to her desk, making eye contact, my supportive hand on her shoulder…and did I mention using my soft voice?) “It’s O.K., you can bring it tomorrow.”
“Hello. Yes, this is Mr. Strohacker. Good morning Mrs. Smith! Oh, I’m sorry to hear that Pam is sick, and it’s only the first week of… Crying and throwing up because I ‘yelled’ at her yesterday??”
I couldn’t take it.
It's interesting some of the things we remember from long ago. I recall one afternoon in class at RF, a methods class before we went out student teaching, and I think it was Dr. Zimmer who told us that if he had his way, his preference would be to place the best teachers in his school in the lower elementary classes. The better the teacher, the lower in the grades he would place them. I was puzzled at first by what he said, but his explanation made sense and always stuck with me. I've often thought that Dr. Zimmer would have approved of my placement teaching 8th graders.
Otto passed away last week, the very first week of school. He was 93 and while I really didn’t know Otto very well, his passing grieved me because Mark, our 3rd grade teacher, is also our Church Music Director and organist. Yep, I had to sub for an hour in 3rd grade last Friday while Mark played for the funeral, and I’ve got to tell you, subbing 3rd grade on September 5, isn’t a whole lot different than subbing in 2nd grade.
“Class, please take out your Language book and turn to page…”
Russell: “Why do we have a Language book?”
Jack: “Mr. Strohacker, are you sure we are supposed to have a Language book?”
“Yes, Jack, I’m sure you have a Language…”
Russell: “Mr. Strohacker, what is a Language book?”
Eric: “Here’s your Language book, Jack, it’s on the bottom of your desk.”
I was in over my head.
“Third Graders, open your book to page 7, and look at the words at the top of the page that are highlighted in yellow: Subject and Predicate.” (‘Subject and Predicate, is Mark crazy? I’ll get him for this…’)
“Yes, Steven?”
Steven: “Mr. Strohacker, how many minutes until lunch?”
“Bryan?”
Bryan: “Mr. Strohacker, can I… I have a story to tell you. Did Steven say, “LUNCH!”? Well actually, Mr. Strohacker, I have two stories, and can I tell you…?”
"Class, what is the subject in sentence number one? Yes, Michael, what is the subject?"
Michael: "I don't know the answer Mr. Strohacker, but can I show you the scratches my cat made on my hand?"
I made an executive decision that 3rd grade would eat lunch early last Friday!
Diane teaches 3rd and 4th graders, and over dinner at our favorite restaurant last Friday, that first Friday of the school year, she was trying to explain to me what 3rd graders are like the first week of school.
Diane: “So I told them to take out their Language books and… Chuck, are you listening to me?”
Even though we’re out in public, my mouth is wide open and my tongue is hanging out a bit as I look at the ceiling…and the wall…and out the window…and at the ceiling fan (with all the accompanying head motions).
Diane: “Chuck, what are you going to order?”
I’m holding my menu upside down, and Diane is starting to get the message.
Diane: “Are you trying to tell me that you understand what it’s like to teach 3rd graders?”
“I’m telling you that I taught 3rd graders today. For an hour! Right before lunch!!” (I’m not using my quiet voice any more.)
Diane had her 3rd graders answer some questions about themselves today so she could get to know them better.
“My favorite food is raw dough because it tastes like soda pop.”
“My favorite food is chicken because I like the meat in it.”
“I collect beer caps.”
“Something I do really well is sleep.”
“Something I don’t do very well is get up.”
“I’m really good at getting hurt.”
And this is how I spent my first Friday of the school year…and why they shouldn't let me teach 3rd grade. 8th graders write the same answers as 3rd graders, but at least they are trying to be funny!
Oh yes, and one of Diane’s 3rd grade boys wrote, “Jesus is my best friend.” That’s really neat.