I had a talk with Jack today.  Actually, I had "the" talk with Jack today.  He's one of "those" kids, mostly boys but there have been a few girls, who will likely pull his bike into my driveway one day just to say 'hi' because he saw me working out in the garage or mowing the lawn.  This won't happen soon because he's only in second grade right now and is not allowed to ride his bike that far yet.  But it will happen some day down the road.  I know this from experience because...Jack is one of "those" kids I will be getting to know better.
 
You don't need to know all the family details about Jack or any of the kids that I've had "the" talk with over the years.  All the details are already familiar to you - divorce, neglect, abuse, ADHD, learning disabilities, EI, or maybe parents who just don't seem to have the time or skills...
 
Many years ago, I made a choice about working with "those" kids.  One way or the other, I realized that they and I were going to see a lot of each other.  Teachers often send them to me, parents of other kids in the class call to let me know "that" kid needs to be expelled from school.  You know; you've been there.
 
I can't recall who the first one was, but I can still remember all "those" kids because, well, they often show up on my driveway or, as they become old enough to drive, we bump into each other around town.  "Do you remember the time I came to your office, and...?"  "How many times did I get my bus riding privileges taken away...?"  I've even got a couple of their kids in school this year!  "This is Mr. Strohacker, your principal - I spent a lot of time in his office, and you'll like him."
 
Jack received part one of "the" talk today.  "I know your mom and dad love you very much even though you don't all live together anymore.  Why do you think they came to see me recently, and why do you think Dad has been dropping by to watch you in the classroom?  Yes, they want you to behave better."
 
By the way, this talk doesn't take place during a visit to my office for being in trouble.  No, I invite the child in before anything goes wrong on a particular day.  "You're not here because you are in trouble" (Pheeewww!), "but I want to talk with you about staying out of trouble."
 
"Do you ever have a feeling inside yourself when you just know, 'I'm going to get into trouble today'?"  I can't recall a kid ever telling me, "No."  Invariably, they seem to be able to identify "that" feeling when they know before school ever starts, that 'this is going to be a bad day.'  That's a great first step.
 
"I've got an idea, and it's worked for a lot of other kids before you.  When you have that feeling inside, the one that tells you you're feeling like it's going to be a bad day...  What do you think about just asking your teacher if you could come down and see me?  I'll talk to your teacher about this, and they will know ahead of time that it is alright for you to come and see me.  You can't just come without asking them, but I promise that if you ask them, they will always let you come to see me.  And when you come to my office this way, you will not be in trouble.  You can bring along work to do, or a book to read, or we can sit and talk, or you can just come here to sit and chill out.  I'm not going to give you any treats, and we're not going to watch TV.  But you can tell me anything you want, and you can stay as long as you need, and you won't be in any trouble.
 
"Have you ever been given a 'time out?'  Well, this is like giving yourself a 'time out.'  When you have that feeling like it's going to be a bad day and you might even get into trouble or be sent to my office, you can give yourself a 'time out' - you can come down here and chill...and you will never be in trouble for asking your teacher to let you come here before something happens.  What do you think?"
 
So far, no student has ever turned down this invitation.
 
"Oh, yeah, Jack.  I know that there is stuff going on inside of you, inside your heart and inside your head.  It's good that you know this, too, and that you "think" before doing some of the things you've been doing that have gotten you sent to my office.  There will be times, in the coming days, I may see you in the hallway acting like you may be close to doing something that might get you into trouble.  And I'm going to get up close to you and whisper, "Jack...think."  That will be a little reminder between you and me.  Some days, I may just tap my finger to my head.  What do you think that will mean?"
 
"Think?"
 
"Yep, that will a sign between you and me to help you remember to "think" before doing certain things." 

Part two of the talk involves more about this word, "think," as well as reviewing how Jack's parents love him, how his grandparents love him, how Jesus loves him, his teacher loves him, and so do I.  Part three - I'm trying to move Jack to more visual clues, like tapping my forehead, along with always reviewing why and how much Jack is loved.  In time, I'll be able to tap my forehead or give some other visual clue, maybe say, "Jack?"  And his reply will be, "Oh, yeah, I remember - think."
 
One morning during Brad's 8th grade year, he walked into my office and sat down.  It had been years since he and I had one of "those" visits, but there's one thing about this invitation - it never expires.  Third or fourth grade was probably the last time Brad had visited on a self-imposed 'time out,' but there he was.  We chatted a while, and then he just asked for some time to chill.  He returned to class, made it through the day, and eventually graduated.  Brad was the kid that all through junior high I could call on to trouble shoot something for me with my computer, and today he is married, has a family and works with computers.  I bet he still needs a 'time out' every now and then, but probably not as often.  And hey, couldn't we all use a little 'time out' once in a while?